Mostly Harmless

My journey from Amsterdam to New Delhi was nothing short of a huge trauma of the worst kind. Never make the horrible mistake of travelling by Aeroflot airlines, dont tell me I didnt warn you. Even the airhostesses, most of them overweight, which could have been the only consolation turned out to be as cold as the shoddy services they had to offer.

And lately i've had a couple of encounters with typical Indian aunties which has only deteriorated my sadistic fantasies involving them.
The first of these encounter happened at the Moscow airport. There was this stunningly beautiful girl who looked really modern by all Indian standards with piercings and tattoes at rather wierd places but strangely with a very Indian look. I had been eying her for some time and as it turned out she was taking the same plane as me. As I entered the boarding lounge I found her sitting on the floor which made me nearly certain that she was not an Indian. Indian girls would rather stand the exertion than sit on the floor. Since there were no vacant seats which was good for me, I went and sat beside her. Well, she was an Italian as she told me during the course of our conversation and was studying in Delhi. As we got up to board the plane, I was just behing her in the line when this auntyji came out of nowhere, shoved her suitcase between us and claimed that it was her place and she had been there all the time. She went like-"Pappu (or whatever) beta tum bhi aa jao". I wanted to tell her to get the fuck out of there but all I could manage to mumble was-"yes aunty of course". Then she would stop at regular intervals for feeding the boy - "Pappu beta ye kha lo pappu beta wo kha lo" holding the entire line and exterminating any chances I had to talk to the girl who was far ahead of me by now. I was frustated, the sort of frustration which could make you could kill someone. It was only later that I realised that she was just being a mother.

The second one was at the Mc-Donalds where again this aunty did the same thing, only this time I was not following a girl, so it was relatively easy to succumb. And anyway you dont want to mess with an Indian aunty, God bless you if you do. She would leave no stone unturned to prove that you are a perfectly spoilt brat with no etiquttes and manners, gather a large crowd till the ignominy becomes too much to bear. Of course the onlookers will sympathise with her and all your protests will be drowned in the ensuing clamour. That would be an easy escape, she might even pronounce you an eve-teaser and then theres no escape from the ever frustrated Indian junta.

So then what do we do in such situations. Would any of you like to venture a solution to this menace?